anatomy of a breakup. part 3. letting it flow.

Sadness is antithesis to what we desire in life, and so we resist it at every turn. This is a mistake. Sadness is a part of life, because without it, how could we truly understand joy? We couldn't. Many argue this point but it's futile - without hunger, you can't understand the true joy of satiation. Having been without air for mere moments, you can't truly appreciate the act of breathing. Only through being lonely can we appreciate the true joy of companionship.

So sadness comes, and we fight it. The loneliness, the future-that-fell-apart, the fear-of-new, the apprehension that accompanies finding oneself - all is tied up with sadness. Instead of fighting it, let it flow through you. Stop trying to distract yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop feeling the fear and the sickness of the sadness and the pain. Imagine you are a small faucet, and turn the knob. Let the sadness flow through you like the cleansing waters of a snowmelt stream. Let it flow through your eyes, your mouth, your throat - scream, cry, exhaust yourself to the point of deep sleep. Imagine the worst and allow the pain to move through you, from top to bottom. When you stop resisting, the pain can move through and OUT of you in a complete way. Let yourself mourn. Let yourself cry. Let yourself feel the fear and desolation of the separation. Play sad music and cry yourself to sleep. You will refortify soon.

Then, stand before the mirror and acknowledge that without the deep sadness you are experiencing, you would never understand the joy that you have known with your lost lover. You would never understand the future joy that you will know with the next. Let the sadness move through you, and the sadness will leave you.

To be sure, it will come again, but only in increments. Soon, it will begin to fade. Now it seems fatal, but it's not; I promise. When you drop your walls to the ground and let the tidal wave rush you, the next joy comes closer. Do not resist. Let it flow. Face the deepest fear we have as humans and the strength will come.


Love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah. - Rufus Wainwright