Today was such an uncomfortable day for me. I think, without seeing it coming, I was hit by the truck of purposelessness and am still stuck to its grill. After a summer of non-stop motion, non-stop managing of details, non-stop hanging out with energetic kids, I wasn't prepared for the sudden nothingness of the last two days. Erin called and is doing fine, but she sounds very, very tired. I don't think I've ever been so excited for her to come home; strangely enough, instead of feeling distance after all this time together, I keep falling in love with her. There is a comfort level that I have with her that I've never in my life had with a male. She's beautiful, funny, and can't dance worth a shit. She's perfect.

So I guess I'm lonely too. At least when she left on assignments before, I had roommates, friends, and family to spend time with. That combined with the looming reality that I have zero job prospects has been unsettling to say the least. I've been slightly manic, distracting myself with completely useless tasks and ignoring the cleaning and sewing that I've been really wanting to use my time for. Fortunately I have a babysitting gig for the next few days and at the very least, it will keep me busy and make up the cash that I have to pay the city of Bend for breaking the law. Fortunately the judge lowered my fine today and will allow me to go to traffic school, which will keep the ticket off my record - whew. 

I miss home, too. I miss the freedom of picking up and driving out to see Tiara and spending if only a few short hours with her, because those hours are inevitably filled with laughter and sharing. Tiara and I have been on the same wavelength since we were kids, I think; once, in highschool (and this will sound silly to all of you except the two of us), I was searching for a completely random name in my head and Tiara tried to chime in to help - simultaneously, the word "Jeremiah" came out of our mouths. Neither of us knew anyone named Jeremiah, but we said it at the same time and followed it by a stunned silence and staring at each other. I still remember it, too - we were walking up the stairs to the second or third floor for class. This, among other things, I have taken as assurance that Tiara and I are soulmates, and I couldn't ever want for a better friend. I routinely think of her husband as my brother-in-law, and he and I have been tossing around the idea of writing a kid's book together. If it happens, I'll eventually have it in my Etsy shop, available through the authors and not through a bookstore. 

I also miss spending the day with my mom, making her pee her pants laughing (sometimes I'll hold her down and tickle her until she laughs so hard she can't breathe) and chasing Tink around the yard. Home calls to me, but not so loud that I would consider moving there again, not yet anyway. I'm just not satisfied being so far away from her, so I've planted the seed in her ear of moving out here with me. I think it's growing, but still far from blossoming. 

I can't wait to have something productive to do tomorrow.