Useless bitching.

Call me lazy, but I hate this process of trying to get a job. I hate rewriting my "Employment History" a thousand times to no avail. I hate not getting a call back for a simple barista position, or having to have two interviews (Starbucks) and then not get hired. I hate, moreover, that I have to apply to Starbucks. 

I hate that this entire society is based on a 40-hour workweek. That you can only be successful and financially independent if you drive yourself into the ground for at least 25 years of your life. I hate that after applying and interviewing for jobs for TWO ENTIRE MONTHS, I am still unemployed. I hate that I have to worry about money and about being employed. I hate that as a student, I still need to struggle to find a job, when the government should be helping me through school so I can be a more productive citizen. (In fairness, I did receive financial aid and that's the only way I'm paying my bills; but if it weren't for my AmeriCorps Education Award, I would have had to use that money to pay for this term, and would still be jobless.)

At the moment, I make about $40 per week walking two awesome dogs on Tuesdays and Fridays. Once I reach 30 hours of work on my internship, I will make another $100. If only this was enough.

My spiritual teacher firmly believes that all things are as they should be; that any lag in employment is reasonable. Just not within our understanding of reason. And to her credit, I must admit that whatever higher power is out there has definitely taken care of my broke ass for the last year. When I hurt my back and couldn't work full time (then, couldn't work at all and had subsequent surgery with a recuperation time), I somehow managed to never be late on a bill or miss a payment. This time around, my bank account actually did hit zero dollars, but not before I was able to deposit my financial aid check. It's a bloody miracle on both accounts; I believe that.

So, obviously I'm being taken care of. My spiritual teacher also says that in these times, instead of driving ourselves in the ground with worry, we should view these in-between-jobs times as "vacations." Now that sounds totally ridiculous, but in fact, it's quite brilliant. It doesn't mean you stop searching for a job or applying, or trying to take care of your finances; what it means is mentally take a break from the worrying and enjoy the free time. Because, quite frankly, once you have a job, that free time will be gone. This of course only works if you have enough money in the bank to last you a month or so, or live with a sexy firefighting girlfriend who makes buttloads of money and is happy to help out when times are hard. 

To be honest, I don't want to have a job. I don't want to work under the thumb of someone under the thumb of someone else, and be underpaid for what I can offer. I hate it. I hate the whole process. So I've tried keeping myself to a standard, but so far that has gotten me nowhere. I have applied to a Nature Center about 30 minutes away (makes me want to vomit to think of the drive) but so far have heard nothing. My problem, besides not wanting to work in this society (underappreciated and underpaid), is that I yearn to do something somewhat important. I can handle slinging coffee, but it would be nice to contribute to society too.

Unfortunately, society is not hiring.