Dark Day.

A few days ago I was walking a dog at the Humane Society and felt something happen in my lower back. I don't know how to describe it, other than a 'shift' - it felt as though something moved. Since then, I've had consistent discomfort in the same areas that I had before my surgery to remove the herniated disc material. Essentially, I'm worried that I have reherniated the same disc.

Why is this causing such outright depression from the moment I awake in the morning? Well, because last year was so fucking terrible that, at one point, I thought about death and felt such relief that I wept right then and there. That's how bad life was. The pain was unbearable and kept me from performing even the simplest of tasks without trouble, and there was an 8 day period where I literally could not stand up or walk. I took Percocet every 4 hours on the dot and spent that week on the sofa. If it was not for Erin, I would not have eaten. In fact, if it weren't for Erin, I probably would not be here right now.

Fortunately I was awarded a free surgery from a local medical volunteer organization. I left the hospital that day in more joy than I'd felt in four months - the pain was gone. Since then I've been getting more and more active and recovering what was lost of my life. I don't think anyone really realizes just how bad this past winter was. Except for Erin.

So to wake up with discomfort in the same place and have strange new sensations is really pissing in my cornflakes. Not to mention I'm unemployed and have no health insurance. 

I could just throw up.