kaput.

Okay. I have to admit that I'm proud of myself. For the last few weeks or so, I have made a concentrated effort to let go of my typical anxiety-ridden ways. I have been happier, more content, and have more energy and time (although I usually think otherwise). When I start to get hung up about something, I just shake it off. I have also been making an attempt to remove negativity from my thoughts and words; no more "I can't afford that," or "God, I'm so stupid sometimes," or "I'm really getting fat." I'm trying to substitute with, "I'm drop dead gorgeous!" and "I'm rich beyond my means!"

This may not sound like much, but for a chronically anxious human being, it's monumental. 

Anyway, at this moment, I'm feeling the stress big time.

In my Kinesiology class, we have sped right into (and through) all the major and minor joints of the lower body. For those of you out there who don't know the numbers, that's more than ten joints. Within those joints are numerous cartilages and ligaments. I need to know all of them - let me say that again: ALL OF THEM - by Wednesday. I also need to know 40 tsubos (those are the points that acupuncturists stick needles in) and an entire bodywork routine for Eastern Theory. Besides this, I have to present a program about fire on Wednesday to a panel of people deciding whether or not I get the seemingly only job opening in Bend (with salary and medical benefits - yes, salary, something I've never had before!). I haven't heard from the Nature Center job, so I am putting all my energy into this one. It might be tough to do school and a full time job, but dammit, I am worthy of shittons of money, and I can ace this job with no problem. Programs are what I DO. 

So, considering that my significant other is out flouncing about in the hills of Montana, leaving me here all alone (with my completely out-of-control fear of being in this (read: any) house by myself all night) - I am, needless to say, having myself a cup of kava tea.

Deep breaths. Deep, deep breaths. Two more weeks until finals... then it's all over until January.

Deep breaths.. oh, god, I think I'm hyperventilating.