Returning to this reality.

This has been quite a difficult transition for me, and there aren't many people around me (well, really, there are none around me) who can relate. I went from a very sacred space back to the mundane world with less acclimation that I had wanted to. I was thrown back into work the minute I was picked up from the bus station, and my poor lover just doesn't understand what I'm still going through. 

I don't know how to explain it, other than that being in sacred space has you in a very high vibration - you can't stay there forever because it would wear your body down and your brain would show signs of what most people call 'going crazy.' So you have to come down. That phrase, "coming down," is the only way I can describe how I feel. I am not sad, I am not disappointed, I am not bored - but I feel a little of all those things at once.

The heart chakra is a very sensitive one, especially when it has been worked so far open for even a short period of a few days. I did not realize how sensitive I would feel upon my returning. I am hypersensitive to negativity, to nagging, even to the regular joking that Erin and I normally do. I am hypersensitive to guilt and shame - I want nothing to do with them, even if they are only in joke form. How can I explain this to people who are only kidding, whose entire relationships with me revolve around kidding? Essentially, I cannot. But I cannot deny either that they are like little pinpoints that shoot into me even when the intention behind them is benign. I am, right now, a being of love, trying hard to not be re-transformed into my old self - the defensive, anxiety-ridden one that completely lacked any sense of personal worth. 

It is hard to return to this world. If you're not careful, it can be an empty world, full of illusions. Full of money, full of other people's opinions, full of nothingness. Perhaps the hardest part isn't coming back to this world, but finding the sacred world within it.