waiting for hummingbirds

this too shall pass.

2010-12-24T20:51:00.001-08:00

This Too, Shall Pass Awayby Paul Hamilton Hayne, American editor, writer, poet.“Art thou in misery, brother? Then I prayBe comforted. Thy grief shall pass away.Art thou elated? Ah, be not too gay;Temper thy joy: this, too, shall pass away.Art thou in danger? Still let reason sway,And cling to hope: this, too, shall pass away.Tempted art thou? In all thine anguish layOne truth to heart: this, too,

this too shall pass.

2010-12-24T20:49:00.001-08:00

THIS TOO SHALL PASS Things change fast But this too shall pass Better carve it on your forehead Or tattoo it on your ass Cause who can tell When the clock strikes twelve If today’s become tomorrow Or if it’s all just gone to hell My friend makes rings She swirls and sings She’s a mystic in the sense That she’s still mystified by things But scared to ask How can nothing last Cause like a cancer

totem 2

2010-12-23T10:21:00.000-08:00

(Original Link: http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/photo-of-the-day/storm-clouds-south-dakota/)

totem 1

2010-12-23T10:03:00.000-08:00

(Photo Link: http://animals.nationalgeographic.com/animals/photos/hummingbird-photos/#/hummingbird-wings-straight_12894_600x450.jpg)

there's a cancer.

2010-12-23T09:58:00.000-08:00

There’s a cancer inside each of usIt just looks like different thingsCould be multiplying cellsAnd pain inside the blood Or a father that called you namesOr a mother that couldn’t motherCould be a nagging insecurityThat your life is always in question There’s a cancer inside each of usJust looks like different thingsCould be the needles left behind from taking a lifeFor

anatomy of a breakup. part 5. intermittent crying.

2010-10-18T17:44:00.000-07:00

I hate this part. This is the part where you'll be walking the dog, or making breakfast, or washing dishes, and all of a sudden you just completely fall apart. It's the thought of her smile, or that I had her next to me every night as I slept, or the way the dog would take her out at the knees in the backyard, or any other of the 8 trillion memories two people create when they're together. Some

wine.

2010-09-22T19:33:00.001-07:00

raven spoke to me tonight, but as usual, I can't understand what he's said. he was up in the tree and when I squawked back, he lifted up and flew off. then, there were two dancing back and forth in the sky together. wine heals. I have forgotten my sadness and, at the same time, am ready to be bedded. dangerous territory. cinnamon for dinner, and hopefully the dreams will speak to me.

anatomy of a breakup. part 4. new.

2010-09-05T21:48:00.000-07:00

Do not underestimate the power of new right now. If your room is the same as when your lover went away, it is time to change. This is a new time in your life, and you should attempt to celebrate the newness in small ways. Don't go too big; this is not the time for great, large change - you already have enough on your plate. It is time for small changes. It is time for reclaiming some small piece

anatomy of a breakup. part 3. letting it flow.

2010-09-05T21:37:00.000-07:00

Sadness is antithesis to what we desire in life, and so we resist it at every turn. This is a mistake. Sadness is a part of life, because without it, how could we truly understand joy? We couldn't. Many argue this point but it's futile - without hunger, you can't understand the true joy of satiation. Having been without air for mere moments, you can't truly appreciate the act of breathing. Only

anatomy of a breakup. part 2. support.

2010-09-05T21:25:00.000-07:00

It's important for you to have support during this time. In fact, it's one of the most important factors determining how strong you are. People like to poo-poo personal strength, as though it ALL has to come from within. Obviously that's bullshit. There is something to be said for mothers and best friends that understand the use of the words, "Everything is going to be okay," and other such

anatomy of a breakup. part 1. panic.

2010-08-29T21:37:00.000-07:00

Panic is a mix of denial and desperation. You can't change what's occurred, but you really can't face that, not right now. All you want to do is run until your lungs give out, or get on a plane and fly home to the arms of your mother (who knows, in her heart of gold, that you're going to be just fine), or hear the words come out of your best friend's mouth, "Cry it out baby, 'cause you're going

blargh.

2010-08-14T23:20:00.000-07:00

Well, what can I really say? My significant other has officially moved out, though we have not split up, and I was actually feeling pretty good about it for a couple of days until we went to a wedding reception together tonight. What an absolutely stupid idea. What the hell was I thinking? Needless to say, I got all mopey and depressed and, actually, downright mad. I get cranky when things don't

irony.

2010-08-06T16:07:00.000-07:00

Here's irony for you. I'm blogging on my other blog, but stop to add a post to this blog, because, well, I think one day I'll look back at these posts and smile. Or maybe not, who the hell knows. I just needed to say that no matter what's going on, no matter how horrible life can be, there are always these tiny shining moments that fill your heart up with love so big it feels like it's going to

moving along.

2010-08-06T12:41:00.000-07:00

Things are moving along. Slowly, but surely. I'm feeling the urge to get a thunderstorm tattooed on my wrist; thunderstorms are so heavy and violent and powerful, but when they pass, the sun comes out, rainbows pop up, and the earth is refreshed by the rain. They're a symbol of power and hope for me, and I need a little of that right now. My significant other is moving out. We haven't worked out

brain pain.

2010-07-31T12:52:00.000-07:00

So I have to spend 3 hours with a group of 10 year olds on Tuesday morning, and the topic is "Geology and Prospecting." So I'm trying to look up some information on geology, since I know virtually nothing, and trying to find some activities. All I want to know is which impurities cause which colors in common minerals (i.e. iron causes red coloration, copper causes blue coloration, etc). This

aggravation.

2010-07-29T18:01:00.000-07:00

I'm sure I'm blowing this way out of proportion. I'm sure it's nothing. But I'm still annoyed. Today I mustered the gusto to go to the gym after work. Whilst getting a drink from the water fountain, I noticed a legal-sized questionnaire entitled, "Application to Date (Gym Owner)'s Daughter." What followed were a list of questions and mildly entertaining multiple choice questions such as, "How

wealth.

2010-07-27T22:31:00.000-07:00

A message to myself, and, by proxy, to you: Listen, if your thoughts about money focus on your complete lack of it, you will not gain more. When you feel the feelings of lack, the feelings of not-enough, of I'll-never-get-ahead, then you are ensuring that you don't have enough and will never get ahead. When you recognize the wealth that do you have, are grateful for that wealth, are grateful

landscape.

2010-07-27T22:20:00.000-07:00

When I first moved to Central Oregon, I was startled by the monotony of the landscape. That is to say, I was horrified and was mildly concerned that I'd made a mistake by moving here. In Maryland, the land (that isn't taken up with buildings or highways, anyway) is saturated with green. And I don't mean just any green. I mean the green of life: deep, bright, lush. The Mid-Atlantic has a mild

big decisions.

2010-07-24T17:54:00.000-07:00

I am in a terrifying place right now, and I'm going to blog about it because when people are heartbroken, no one ever knows what to do and it's awkward. Well, it's human nature, and the best thing you can do is just something. I hate the phrase, "I don't know what to say." I get that often when I'm going through a hard time, maybe because I'm usually the one that does the saying when the roles

wisdom.

2010-07-18T07:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when I obviously have nothing better to do, I ponder the meaning of "wisdom." When are you wise? How do you know you have wisdom? How come most wisdom resides with older people? Here's what I've figured out so far: knowledge is all inside the brain. Knowledge is facts. Wisdom, though, seems to be those facts getting translated through the heart. Wisdom, it appears, needs some level of

sacred water

2010-07-14T22:21:00.000-07:00

Jennie and I are good at finding sacred water. We don't know it at first but the clean rushing earth-blood swirling around us pulls us purifies us cools us awakens us. We put the pepper of watercress on our tongues and chew on wild mint. We debate over sedges and slide holy stones into our pockets. We watch for rattlesnakes and sinkholes that could suck us into the bowels of the mother and end

I don't believe.

2010-07-14T21:56:00.000-07:00

my father saw me first as a weapon and then as an impediment. my grandfather with whom I built snowmen with whom I caught the baseball and whom I caught smoking on the cement back steps - he stopped. my grandfather saw me as a seed but lost interest in tending the garden when my bloom didn't take the shape he had anticipated. the men I loved crushed me scared me held me loved me hurt me

supposed to.

2010-06-22T21:44:00.000-07:00

The worst thing about heartbreak is the loss of these ridiculous expectations we make for the future. I wanted to be with my forever-partner right now. I wanted to be buying a house. I wanted to be buying crap for the house, painting walls, planting gardens. There are things I wanted to be doing. There were expectations. I was supposed to be getting married sometime soon. It was an expectation.

loose ends.

2010-06-19T07:42:00.000-07:00

I've removed my blog from Facebook because things are about to get a little personal. I'm dealing with a lot of shit right now. I'm fine, but there's a lot of inner turmoil that is surfacing in the physical realm. My significant other of four years and I are potentially facing a split. I'm devastated and exhausted, but also out of options. If you're reading this and your friends with both of us,

terry.

2010-06-10T21:31:00.000-07:00

Terry Tempest-Williams is, hands down, one of the most amazing women I've ever had the pleasure to be in the same room with. Tonight I attended her lecture here in Central Oregon and she blew me away. Her sincerity, compassion, sensitivity, and ability to observe are so inspirational. I've read her books Red and Refuge, and picked up her latest one at the lecture tonight, Finding Beauty in a

vintage style.

2010-06-06T19:22:00.000-07:00

So, in a roundabout way, shopping vintage is one of my favorite ways to be sustainable. Yes, I love shopping at GoodWill and others, but sometimes the thrift stores are just kind of full of junk that, with a little creativity, we turn into something useful. Every now and then you luck out and come across something totally awesome and unique, but when I want to really shop vintage (read: I don't

straightforward.

2010-06-05T18:46:00.000-07:00

Nothing in life is more complicated than love. Nothing gives us more pleasure, more security, more memories, than love. Nothing helps us to sleep soundly so much as love. In the same way, nothing is so difficult to lose, so troublesome from which to separate, or so hard to decide. Love is, at its greatest, the fuel on which the machinery of life runs. At its worst, love brings everything else in

nesting.

2010-06-04T06:36:00.000-07:00

There's a nest on our porch. It belongs to a mated pair of house finches. I got on the tallest chair in the house and tried to peek in, but I was still too short. I know mom's spending time on it because when I open the front door she bolts, but I'm not sure there are eggs. Here's a poor photo of mom and dad. It's been raining for days and the white clouds in the background made the birds

rain.

2010-06-02T18:31:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in the gravel parking lot. Rain is pounding the roof of my car. I turn off the iPod, turn off the engine, and lean back into my seat. No one's in the parking lot - everyone's already inside. I close my eyes, and the splattering of the water just above my head puts me in a tent, camping, in the rain. Warm, inside of a sleeping bag, listening to the great emptiness that is actually the

stupid may.

2010-05-21T18:17:00.000-07:00

Today was in the 40s with wind, and some type of precipitation that involved some snow, some rain, some sleet (or hail, whichever), and a whole lot of grumpiness from the two-leggeds in Central Oregon. I mean, it's freaking May. The END of May. I know, I know - it's Central Oregon and if I didn't want to deal with Central Oregon weather I should have moved somewhere tropical. Horsefeathers.

things I did today.

2010-05-18T18:06:00.000-07:00

Thing #1.Okay, so I've just lied to you right off the bat. I actually planted this little herb-garden-in-training yesterday, but it felt stupid to say, "things I did today and yesterday." Anyway. Our first herb garden! Now I feel really domestic. Soon I'll be baking meat pies and whole turkeys with stuff crammed in them. A triangular herb garden built out of scrap wood by a friend. Three

pressure.

2010-05-18T08:43:00.000-07:00

It's silly how when you start a blog for a specific purpose and then don't quite follow that purpose perfectly, there's suddenly pressure. "What can I write about sustainability today?" I think to myself, and when I come up with nothing because my boss has been a dick at work, or the dog just threw up on the floor, I get frustrated and don't write at all. Does this happen to you, bloggers who

you decide.

2010-05-17T15:02:00.000-07:00

morels.

2010-05-16T21:13:00.000-07:00

Today was a most excellent day. My friend Sarah and I left Bend bright and early for the uplands of the Deschutes National Forest. Our goal? To collect morels, goo over wildflowers, and geek out on plants. Mission accomplished. The Deschutes is a predominantly ponderosa pine forest and in its northern sectors, other species of conifer peek in, such as Doug Fir. Chinquapin and snowbrush

mother's day.

2010-05-09T16:14:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about family today. And yesterday. And a little bit the day before that. I've been reading Terry Tempest Williams' classic, Refuge, which is a portrait of two things simultaneously: the rising and falling of Great Salt Lake in Utah in the 1980s, and the death of her mother. In it, her family is brought together in a heart-wrenching way to support her mother - and each

American Farmland Trust: No Farms No Food - 7 Ways To Save Farmland

2010-05-05T13:10:00.001-07:00

American Farmland Trust: No Farms No Food - 7 Ways To Save Farmland Check out this list of simple things you can do to support local food!

the beach.

2010-05-04T20:44:00.000-07:00

I realized I forgot to upload some of the awesome photos from our vacation (which was, erm, a month and a half ago or something) to the Oregon coast. I don't have anything interesting to say, just wanted an excuse to put up some more photos as I learn to use my camera. :) The Oregon coast is so beautiful with its craggy rock formations, giant bull kelp, and turbulent waters. The Oregon coast.

one more.

2010-04-28T20:44:00.000-07:00

Can't help myself.

umpqua.

2010-04-28T20:36:00.000-07:00

I don't know what the word means, but the Umpqua River area is undoubtedly one of the most beautiful places I've ever been in my life. It's in southern Oregon on your way over the great Cascade divide, meaning that it's lush and beautiful and full of plant diversity. My good friend and fellow plant nerd Jennie took a drive out to a tiny town called Glide, which hosts a huge wildflower show each

shameless.

2010-04-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

This post is really nothing more than a shameless plea for you, the reader, to leave feedback. I only keep this blog for three reasons: to connect to friends & family, to connect to complete strangers who share my ideals, and to keep a semi-log of things I do with my life. I can do that last one in a book that no one else gets to read, but I LIKE connecting to other people. Now, I've noticed

springtime prep.

2010-04-20T18:37:00.000-07:00

Well, anyone who says Central Oregon never gets any rain obviously has never lived here for an entire year. Spring is a season of serious precipitation (can you say that 5 times fast?) - in fact, I like to ponder just how much water one could collect with the right size container. And how much drinking water one could glean from collecting all this precip with the right filtration system? At

righteous rage.

2010-04-14T17:09:00.000-07:00

Behind our house sprawls many acres of undeveloped land. It's slated for roads and a sub-division, but for the last year we've been reaping the benefits of a slow housing market and the land has served, instead, as a little forest to explore with the dog. For whatever reason, tall grass is like cocaine to my canine companion and when he gets back there, he simply runs laps around me. After half

My job rules.

2010-04-12T17:20:00.000-07:00

So I work at this little Nature Center where I'm responsible for animal care, teaching kids (and adults) about natural history, and a variety of other projects. I really can't tell you more clearly how I feel about my job than this: I love it. We have a whole host of reptiles and amphibians (collectively know as herps), and four birds of prey (raptors) that cannot be released back into the wild.

The Life Binder (DIY "Craft" #2.)

2010-04-12T10:43:00.000-07:00

If you're like me, you collect small bits of paper and stacks of magazines because, you suspect, somewhere down the road you'll need them. Or want them. Mostly, you'll just want them. Maybe you hate getting rid of ticket stubs. Maybe you can't part with a magazine because it has one or two articles (or photos) that you really love. Maybe you take the next step and tear out those articles, and

DIY craft #1

2010-04-11T15:42:00.000-07:00

Here's a fun craft I thought I'd post for you ladies (or men!) out there that have a lot of earrings. Many of us succumb to the terrible habit of throwing them into a bowl or a box, where they get tangled or forgotten about. I started making these canvases in part to display and protect my investment (most of my earrings are handmade by Etsyians or myself), but also because I absolutely love to

Etsy!

2010-04-10T21:22:00.000-07:00

Just an FYI, my Etsy shop is finally "up and running." I have a lot more stuff to put up, but it's going to be a process. Go here to see my whole 5 listed items. :) I need to revamp my banner and avatar (the little box next to my information) - I am really partial to the chicory flower but I dislike the banner more and more whenever I look at it. We'll see what I can come up with. In other

deep thoughts require immediate action.

2010-04-03T07:28:00.000-07:00

So this morning I'm shuffling around like a zombie because, for the last two or three weeks, I've been having dreams so intense and so vivid that I wake up in the morning feeling hungover. (And they don't make any sense to me. For example, this morning before I woke up, I was dreaming about cleaning a toilet bowl but it wasn't really a toilet bowl, it was like a giant stone toilet bowl with rocks

okay...just a few more.

2010-03-30T19:23:00.000-07:00

Here are some tips I forgot to mention in the last post, but that have made a world of difference in my life. I recommend reading the post before this one before.. this one.1. If you're not a plant person, get yourself a pet. If you can't have a dog or a cat, get a fish. Caring for another living thing is instantaneously rewarding.2. Act like a kid. Put things in your life that make you feel like

day: made.

2010-03-30T17:58:00.000-07:00

Today a good friend of mine totally made my day. She Facebooked me to say that she loved my blog (a shock to me, cuz I didn't actually think anyone read it) and that she wants to be doing all of the things that I'm doing, like practicing a spiritual path, growing food, incorporating food consciousness into my diet, etc. This is a huge compliment to me for two reasons: one, I've always wanted to

grumpy.

2010-03-21T14:39:00.001-07:00

Something I've noticed about weather-dependent people like myself is that it's never cold and rainy on your days off when you WANT it to be. Okay, to be fair, Central Oregon is almost never cold and rainy, but here I am at work, begging the clock to move faster.You see, on a cold and rainy day, there is a subconscious part of my brain that goes into "indoor mode." In this mode, I can play lazy

late february.

2010-02-22T13:30:00.000-08:00

I think I'm finally realizing that any environment can support whatever we want from it, if we are willing to take on the challenge of its shortcomings and take advantage of its assets. Central Oregon is dry, dry, dry - and little rainfall means that most farmers suck water out of the aquifers, rivers, and reservoirs here. If just the farmers were doing it we might be okay, but since Bend is

raspberry leaf.

2010-02-20T19:07:00.001-08:00

I've never had terribly good luck with herbal remedies and I'm not sure why. Perhaps I haven't used the right amounts. Perhaps my ailments are usually too far gone for herbs to handle. The only herbs I can recall that I've used medicinally with any effect include marijuana, a lung-soothing tea made by Traditional Medicinals, and raspberry leaf.Raspberry leaf is just what it sounds like - the

new year.

2010-02-17T18:49:00.000-08:00

Everyone says January is the new year, but what I've learned from studying indigenous traditions is that the new year begins more so in the spring. Surviving a winter and making it to spring was how time was recorded, therefore I'd be 26 winters old, not 26 'years' old. This year I'm determined to work on manifesting some very solid things into my life: a better experience of self-sufficiency, a

p.s.

2010-02-02T09:54:00.000-08:00

Since it's been almost a year since I posted the first pic of our pudgy pup, here's another couple.I sure hope he doesn't throw up all the food I've been giving him this morning to distract him from pestering me. Sigh.

Dandelions.

2010-02-02T09:42:00.000-08:00

Since I have no idea what to do with my blog right now, I'll make it a catch-all for the crap I'm thinking about and writing about and doing. Wait... that was like the whole idea of a blog right? Perfect.So for work, I'm starting a four-part series on wild edibles. Since the articles can't be super-long I'm trying to cram a lot of info in a small amount of space on the nutritive and medicinal

now what?

2009-11-15T21:22:00.001-08:00

Well, I obviously lost track of keeping up the gardening blog. Now what? A crafting blog? I would like to get my craft jumpstarted again...perhaps this is the way.

sleepless in bend.

2009-03-11T22:58:00.000-07:00

It would figure that earlier I was barely conscious enough to update on our corn, and at the moment (about 11pm PST) I am so wide awake that I didn't bother staying in bed. What's keeping me up?Chickens.But, you say, I thought you were excited about chickens? I am. That's part of the problem. The other part is that I'm worried to death that I'm going to fail miserably at this venture. I credit my

corn stalks.

2009-03-11T19:13:00.000-07:00

Well, they aren't huge yet, but the corn has officially gone from "sprout" stage to "baby stalk" stage. (These stages are arbitrary. I made them up.) Erin made a makeshift plastic cover for the seedling tray and the temps inside rose to around 80 degrees. The peat/fiber pots were warm to the touch! Which translates into very happy corn (corn can germinate in soil up to or a little over 100

the more you know.

2009-03-09T09:17:00.000-07:00

An undercover investigator has created a documentary based on factory pig farming which premiers on HBO on March 16th. Check out a couple of the clips on YouTube here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuSSf8oSDtw&feature=relatedSupport local food. Support humane meat practices. Open your eyes.

mmmm greens.

2009-03-06T19:14:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to upload some fun photos of our lettuce/spinach box. It's been approximately a month and a week since we planted the seeds and I have to admit, they are looking delicious...

proof of erin's innate farming talents

2009-03-05T18:14:00.001-08:00

She may spend the vast majority of her time unemployed skiing and lounging, but when she puts her mind to it, she sure can haul some ass. Have a look at these gorgeous coldframes she built in about two hours each: PS - Please ignore all that crap in our garage, like the door, mattress and.. beading loom.Unfortunately it was slim pickins at the ReStore for good wood, so we purchased the wood and

SUCCESS

2009-03-05T17:51:00.000-08:00

Yes, folks, you read correctly - after only THREE days, our corn has germinated. Here are some downright awful photos of the tenacious little sprouts.You can hardly see them, but my crappy camera wasn't getting any closer than that. Our control corn (unaltered/untreated) and the corn treated with cloning solution/fertilizer had little to no growth. The corn we scraped with sandpaper also had

the great corn experiment.

2009-03-03T12:12:00.000-08:00

Apparently there is some debate as to whether or not corn is difficult to grow. Many people agree that you shouldn't bother trying to transplant it and many others say that's a bunch of hogwash, that their corn transplants just fine. Others still have trouble getting corn to germinate (sprouting the seed) and I've heard all kinds of ideas for helping this process along. So I've decided to

water water everywhere.

2009-02-26T15:12:00.001-08:00

Well, last night we got three inches of fluffy snow and today the sun was shining, so it's all melting. Which means, of course, that our future garden plot is a sopping mess. We bought a 32 gallon trashcan today and I filled it to the top with water I collected the last time it rained (I had a couple gallons left over, but it wasn't quite 40 gallons which is what I'd thought at the time). I

team chicken, part one.

2009-02-26T08:52:00.000-08:00

Wine, soup, cornbread, and chickens. Well we weren't eating the chickens, just talking about them. There's already a space in T & B's back yard for the coop, so now the task is to start collecting materials. Tina's objective is to build the coop completely from reclaimed and salvaged materials, so Erin and I may be heading to a construction site today or tomorrow to see if the stack of building

our friend mel.

2009-02-25T09:54:00.000-08:00

Well, he's not really our "friend," but he sure helps us out when it comes to gardening. Mel Bartholomew is the author of Square Foot Gardening and is a famous gardening guru. In the first edition of his book, he outlines everything you need to know to be a successful gardener - and then goes one step further by profiling a variety of commonly-grown vegetables (including basic information,

monsanto 2.

2009-02-21T07:13:00.000-08:00

In response to my Monsanto post, Jennie wrote:: Did you know that Monsanto also doesn't let the plants produce seeds? They are [genetically-modified] to spontaneously abort so you have to buy more. Lame.If this doesn't scare you, you aren't thinking about it hard enough.(I'll help you - plants that spontaneously abort further create conditions for a monopoly of humans that own all the food. If

killer deals bru.

2009-02-19T19:58:00.000-08:00

Here is a selection of containers that we've picked up from thrift stores for cheap. That big boy on the right is a 19 gallon tub - $3 at the Humane Society Thrift Store (killer place and all funds go to the Humane Society), the two big black tubs that are standing on each other we got from ReStore for $.50 each, the little green dude on the left was $.75, and the others I think were like $3 each

just don't dig up the whole lawn, the landlord said.

2009-02-19T19:39:00.000-08:00

On a warm snap in the middle of January, I purchased our first gardening implement - a hoe - and we went to town digging up our future victory gardens. If you can believe it, there are hardy pansies planted in the garden where I am working in the photo and they are *still* in bloom right this very moment. The two spots that we are working on in these photos are the future sites of our raised

commuting communally.

2009-02-19T19:10:00.001-08:00

Today was the first time I've ever really commuted from home to work and.. it was *awesome*. Despite the post-commute 20 minute walk to work I had to endure (that was sarcasm, but I was pretty tired). The shuttle is free (::big googly eyes::) which means less gas money and less wear on my car (which needs at least $300 worth of more work on top of the $500 I just put on my credit card for it). I

monsanto.

2009-02-17T17:11:00.001-08:00

While I'm on this soapbox, why not mention a horrific act of pure evil that most people don't know about at all?So farmers grow corn. We know this, right? Corn is in EVERYTHING. If it's not corn, it's corn syrup. There are huge swatches of land that are deforested every year just to grow corn (and, by the way, monocropping is a big fat no-no when it comes to environmental health - but that's for

milk.

2009-02-17T16:45:00.000-08:00

Since I unintentionally went on and on about chickens and how eggs are produced in this country, I figured it would be as good a time as any to talk about milk.The dairy industry faces a similar type of controversy in America as the chicken/egg industry. Cows are typically confined to lots with entirely too many other cows on them. Manure builds up and up and pollutes local streams when rainwater

community.

2009-02-17T16:22:00.001-08:00

This year I had the privilege of meeting two very wonderful women, named Beki and Tina, who live no more than a 20-minute walk west of us in a pretty neighborhood. They have an enormous backyard and a couple weeks ago at an open-mic night, Tina said the magical words, "I want to have a communal garden in my backyard." My heart melted with joy. Even though I am planning a garden, it is another

spinach and lettuce.

2009-02-17T16:10:00.001-08:00

Like radishes, spinach and lettuce prefer cooler temperatures (like around 60-65 degrees) which makes them perfect window-sill plants for the fall or winter. They're great plants for people who are antsy to start growing something long before spring rolls around. January 29: Erin and I score at the thrift store once again and find a long, rectangular container. It's metal, so we glue down plastic

post one.

2009-02-17T15:41:00.000-08:00

So for those of you who don't know, my ultimate dream in life is to be a small-scale farmer. That is, I want to own some land and farm it for vegetables, herbs, fruits, and flowers both to sustain myself and as a way to contribute to my income (either with money or trade). I want to learn to preserve my own foods so that I can drastically cut back on my grocery-store dependence. Lined up on the

new directions.

2009-02-16T22:20:00.000-08:00

I'm switching the focus of my blog from random personal ramblings that no one really reads to a log of gardening activities. This will be a good way for me to look back and see what happened and when, so I can better plan for future years.Unfortunately I'm too tired to start tonight.

things I am noticing right now.

2008-12-23T09:54:00.001-08:00

I am annoyed and distracted by the scratches on my computer screen and equally annoyed that I cannot find an effective way to clean it.I am noticing that I always have a million things I want to do on the internet, but when I get to the internet, I manage to forget all of them. At the moment, a man that I assume is Indian in ethnicity (as in India) sitting across from me in Panera Bread keeps

Homecoming.

2008-12-23T09:48:00.000-08:00

As the years pass, I become more and more unsettled with the idea of flying in airplanes. I still love the excited feeling I get when I enter an airport – the knowing that there is traveling about to take place, the convenience of which is one of modern society’s most priceless contributions to the human experience. I suppose, despite my background as a relatively reasonable person, the entire

glory.

2008-12-14T08:33:00.001-08:00

What is the magic behind snow? Why does it captivate us and give us that little giddy feeling inside? Was it this way for our ancestors, when they were still stalking deer in the bush by foot and spear? Winter was a time of scarcity, of living off whatever you'd managed to save over the summer harvest. True winter is something many of us can't even understand because we have the convenience of

my boss got fired.

2008-12-11T17:01:00.000-08:00

So today was my second day at work, more like a half day because of exams, and my boss got fired. She'd been there for 20 years but apparently there had to be some kind of reason for her getting canned, because it wasn't just some random layoff. The job looks like it's going to be fun: there is a whole Nature Center to attend to complete with trails and little gardens, and a host of creatures to

decisions.

2008-12-02T17:54:00.000-08:00

So next weekend there is a local craft show going on. I have an application, and there are spaces left. It only costs $30. I'm considering going because I want to bust out with my own business sometime in the remotely near future, but I'm suddenly realizing how difficult this whole thing is. Mostly because I don't know what, of the million activities I've been involving myself in, I'm good enough

coffee shop.

2008-11-30T13:36:00.000-08:00

Why do I do this to myself?After only one or two hours max of studying, I decide that relocating to my favorite local coffee house will help me to study even better, and a change of scenery would do wonders for my melting brain cells.This, of course, is a lie I tell myself to get me to the coffee house. I have a terrible time studying in a coffee house. I'm so easily distracted by, well,

kaput.

2008-11-24T18:18:00.001-08:00

Okay. I have to admit that I'm proud of myself. For the last few weeks or so, I have made a concentrated effort to let go of my typical anxiety-ridden ways. I have been happier, more content, and have more energy and time (although I usually think otherwise). When I start to get hung up about something, I just shake it off. I have also been making an attempt to remove negativity from my thoughts

flakey.

2008-11-23T19:00:00.000-08:00

I have to give myself a pat on the back: for someone who is typically antisocial (in the respect that I immensely enjoy my alone time at home, puttering around the house), I have made a tremendous effort to create social activities for the massage therapy student base at the college. This I have done because I will be sitting in class nearly every day of my life for the next one to two years with

hovering.

2008-11-06T11:31:00.001-08:00

For the first time in my entire life, I got involved with politics this year. It helps that I was fortunate enough to receive an internship from Human Dignity Coalition, the local equality group, and despite my main duties as office bitch (don't think I'm not proud to be HDC's office bitch though - I wrote it on my arm at the Drag Show) I am getting an inside peek at non-profits and the fight for

More bad dreams.

2008-10-27T16:17:00.000-07:00

Another bad dream last night.In the dream, she'd cheated on me with a male friend of ours. The harder I cried, the harder she laughed.How's that for strange..

Bad Dreams.

2008-10-26T20:56:00.000-07:00

Last night I had the strangest dream.I was face down on the floor in my grandfather's office in their house in Baltimore. I think I bled to death. I got up the next morning and went into the bathroom; when I looked in the mirror I had a big purple splotch where blood had pooled in my face. I realized I was dead. My loved ones were devastated but they couldn't see "me" - I can only assume the me

Poems of the Skin.

2008-10-20T20:31:00.001-07:00

I wrote these one day in anatomy class and wanted to share them here. ____________________206 living stones give or take8% of our genes are viralonly takes a microscopic nothing to causedisease, disability, death. Bones are 25% waternerve cells bear no repair But the body bears no worry, for all its duties. It may not take a breakHave a coffee and a smoke Take a day off fromblood

2008-10-20T16:57:00.000-07:00

We liken our worlds to glass bowls or thin-skinned balloons,and only a few people are given the sharp pins of our trust and hope.I don't possess a word to describethe softness of her skin.Her long fingers stained with nickel and ivoryHer life a delicate composition.Once I loved a boy with eyes like moving water.But he was smart the way glass cuts.Our paths diverged before they'd met.Before him

Stupid white people.

2008-10-16T07:27:00.000-07:00

Part of a reply I made in daisysdeadair blog. Just felt like saying it here, too._________________Daisy, when I first started reading Rose's comments, I was almost sick with fury. Then I read your comments, and I felt much better. Thank you for expressing the hidden-in-the-textbooks facts that all white people are immigrants, and we were welcome here (unlike the way we whites welcome the 'brown'

2008-10-16T07:26:00.001-07:00

Why must copying and pasting in Blogger be such a pain in the ass.

An Ode to My Grandmother.

2008-10-14T21:17:00.000-07:00

Grandmother, way up in the skyLarge and round like all grandmothers were at one timeFull with child.Your light, a translucent layer of fine milkLaid across all my skin, and cool like an evening breeze.Your face pure and imperfect.Silent guardian, tugging the waves back and forthAs Grandfather rises to bring us heat and lightA different kind of light.And you, like all good womenKnow that sometimes

siiiiiiiiiiigh.

2008-10-14T16:23:00.000-07:00

So I just applied for another interpreter position at the High Desert Museum, the most prestigious museum in Central Oregon (one of the only museums), which has natural history, live unreleasable animals, and a huge Native American section. I love this museum. I would love to work at this museum. This museum is closer than the Nature Center. However... I have also applied at this Museum half a

Useless bitching.

2008-10-14T15:53:00.001-07:00

Call me lazy, but I hate this process of trying to get a job. I hate rewriting my "Employment History" a thousand times to no avail. I hate not getting a call back for a simple barista position, or having to have two interviews (Starbucks) and then not get hired. I hate, moreover, that I have to apply to Starbucks. I hate that this entire society is based on a 40-hour workweek. That you can only

Empty.

2008-10-12T11:53:00.000-07:00

I am so incredibly frustrated. Sure, it was only a house, but that house really represented freedom. There was an enormous yard - for gardening, for a dog, for composting, for praying, for having company over, for birdhouses and birdbaths and birdfeeders. There was a fireplace, because we love to heat naturally. There were hardwood floors and a sweet little kitchen. There was a garage for storage

the first kiss.

2008-10-05T20:12:00.001-07:00

it had been an entire year and there we were, in the same room as darkness fell.she had tears in her eyes and the rangy scent of very good beer on her that for some stupid reasonI have always found seductive, making me bolder as if I had been the one to drink.her head was in her hands.I grew bold.I tsk-tsked her because I was afraid too and we

Today.

2008-10-05T19:43:00.000-07:00

Here's making up for the almost-month that I wrote nothing!Well, there's a job I want, and potentially a house I want, and so of course I am fighting the anxiety that usually overwhelms me at the drop of a hat. At least now I'm aware of the anxiety, can see it coming, can try and defend myself against its tight little fingers. The job is a naturalist position, essentially the only kind of job I

see.

2008-10-05T19:35:00.000-07:00

steel gray skiesround, fullcold wind, warm sunpushing, pullingsharp breathdraw in the cold airturns into bright, open eyesmouth open, surprisethe hope of newin the darkening timebackwards.can't deny the feeling in my chesttrying to read the skyas if the clouds were tea leavespredicting the paththat only god knows.only god knows.if there is such a thing.so she saidyou must let goand let this wind

bad winter.

2008-10-05T13:20:00.000-07:00

I don't know why fall makes me feel sowell, I don't knowawake.the colors are stronger and the air is colder and it moves and pushes and swirlsa rejoicing in the death of all the green thingsspinning them in circles, up from the grounddancing and dragging across asphalt with that soundthe crackling of a fire orthe crashing of the waves.celebrating, because death is happening all the timewhile

Dark Day.

2008-09-11T17:00:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I was walking a dog at the Humane Society and felt something happen in my lower back. I don't know how to describe it, other than a 'shift' - it felt as though something moved. Since then, I've had consistent discomfort in the same areas that I had before my surgery to remove the herniated disc material. Essentially, I'm worried that I have reherniated the same disc.Why is this